strength in balance
by crotia
Summary: Voldemort is defeated after the tournament and Dumbledore gives each head a different house. How will Snape deal with a house full of Gryffindors. Harry has problems Cedric dead, the Dursleys and nightmares he can't really take Snape on top of that. Or can he? Can Snape safe Harry from his own dangerous quest. !dark stuff
1. prologue

I don't own anything everything that is J.K. Rowlings stays rightfully hers. I don't earn anything from this.

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Strength in balance

Albus Dumbledore looked down through the window in his office. It was over. Using Harry's blood had been Tom's downfall. When he tried to harm Harry Lily's offer that protected the boy worked like a vow and it had killed him. Albus' gut was telling him that it was time for a change, but what. He looked at the yin-yang amulet that lay on one of the many shelves in his office. One makes the other better and fills the spaces left behind by the others flaws. And that's when it came to him. And it would be a great change indeed. He smiled already thinking about the wonderful things that could come of this.

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R&amp;R

BTW. I try to update on the 2th, 9th, 16th, and 23th of every month. But this will be 1 chapter from 1 of my stories. And even though it shouldn't be so. Positive reactions to a story do unconsciously influence my choosing and writing. So I there will be stories that I update more than others.


	2. Beg you pardon!

**_1\. Beg you pardon?_**

"Albus, let us go so we can prepare for the children. They do come back next week and we have much to do. Or else spit it out. You've been stalling long enough." Minerva exclaimed.

She and the other head-of-houses had gathered for their annual meeting to speak thoroughly about the coming year. Severus couldn't help but agree with his colleague and friend.

Albus nodded and started speaking in a serious tone of voice. "Every house has common good traits and common bad traits. By placing these people together we strengthen these good traits but there is no reason for them to work on their bad because: when everyone has the same bad trait they cease to take notice of it."

Severus could follow what Albus meant, but he didn't really get where the man was going with it. Unfortunately Albus also had a habit of being awfully off the point when discussing anything with his manipulative twinkling eyes.

"So I decided to assign you all to a different house this year."

It took all his self-control not to storm out the room and blow up half of the forbidden forest. Another house? Albus couldn't seriously expect him to trust his snakes to someone else could he? Of course all head-of-houses were perfectly competent teachers but they would have no idea how to handle his snakes.

The others might not see when his snakes needed their help even though they didn't want to show it, or his snakes might misguide this new head-of-house without his or her notice and then there was the point of their unconscious biases against his snakes.

Looking around he saw the others had similar looks on their faces as he would've had if it wasn't for his poker face due to years of being the perfect spy;master of occlumency. Pomona had turned pale and Minerva had already opened her mouth to protest.

Albus raised his hand as a sign for her to stay silent and started talking. "Filius you will take over Hufflepuff"

Both Filius and Pomona looked a little relieved. As did Severus himself glad he didn't have to deal with emotional crying Hufflepuffs.

"Minerva I wish you good luck with Ravenclaw."

Now Severus looked positively ill, having realized that meant he would get Gryffindor and Pomona would get Slytherin. Both he viewed as dramatically changes. Pomona would be better at setting aside her biases than Minerva but he was afraid she would let his snakes fool her. He would have preferred Filius over the women. And him with the dunderheads wasn't to great either.

And after her a few moments Minerva must have realized too, because she jumped from her stool with an uncommon amount of grace for a woman her age and started ranting at Dumbledore. "WHAT?!, You can't give Gryffindor to Severus. He's always unfair to them and makes no point of hiding his dislike. "

"Minerva, calm down this instant. I'm sure Severus will treat them fair when he is their head of house. He's always been an excellent head for his snake's and I trust him to be just that for your lions too. This is NOT optional."

Severus looked at the headmaster and saw the unyielding steel that's normally hidden behind the ever-present twinkling. He decided to just go with it as it wouldn't make a difference anyway.

He might even try to teach those idiots to think before doing something and he was certainly going to make sure they completed their homework instead of being lazy and slacking off.

"I've asked Hogwarts to put an extra entrance in your chambers that leads to the corridors of your new house. Good luck, " Albus said with an ominous finality, his eyes returning to their twinkle.

...

Harry stared at the table in thought. His summer had been tough. In a way he was glad he hadn't spent it with the Weasleys because he didn't want them to know about the nightmares or the cutting.

The Dusleys had locked him in his room. The worst part was that he had gone insane in there. Nothing to get his mind away from Cedric's dead body and the awful ritual with the snake faced monster stepping out of the cauldron, intent on accomplishing what he could not: killing him.

Last year had been a tough year. He hadn't been back two months when his name was drawn from the goblet and he entered the tournament. He saw how Cedric died and how Voldemort killed himself by trying to harm him which went against his blood because that was also his mother's blood or something like that.

On top of that printed the Daily Prophet lies about him and said Dumbledore was insane and he was an attention seeking lying brat. So once again some of the other Gryffindors turned against him or at least tried to stay away because their parents were against him or because they feared he would have a bad influence on their own reputation. Talk about bravery - Harry snorted in disgust.

"Oy, I still don't see why you had to stay with the Dursleys this summer Harry. Voldemort is dead but he still makes you go back there." Ron stated while glaring at Dumbledore but quickly looking back at Harry when said person looked towards the Gryffindor table.

"Oh come on Ron. Your parents explained already that Harry still isn't safe with the last death eaters still roaming around and the ministry claiming Voldemort was dead all along. And the blood protection keeps Harry safe."

"Yeah well I still think..."

"Come on guys we're back, no need to keep talking about that. Next year I probably don't have to go back because Sirius will be out of the treatment center and otherwise it will be another 1,5 summer at most before I turn seventeen. I've survived them 10 years straight so I think I will manage."

Ron looked ready to disagree but the sorting had just finished and Dumbledore stood to give his yearly welcome speech.

"Welcome back to Hogwarts dear students and a special welcome to our new students. Our caretaker, Mr. Filch, has asked me to remind you ..."

"Hem-Hem... Thank you, headmaster, for those kind words of welcome. The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. Although each headmaster has brought something new to this... historic school, progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged. Let us preserve what must be preserved, perfect what can be perfected and prune practices that ought to be... prohibited!"A woman in pink interrupted with a big smile that didn't seem to have any warmth in it.

"Thank you Professor Umbridge. That really was most illuminating. Everyone this is our new defense teacher Professor Umbridge.

It's going to be a new year and a fresh start with the last threat of Voldemort gone. Cedric Diggory our beloved friend and classmate was his last victim and I'd like for every to know that he died facing him and that's something few grown-ups did. Let us remember him as the brave, kind, hardworking and selfless boy he was.

And now to help us start over I decided to make a big change. To enlarge mutual understanding, house unity and your growth towards healthy balanced adults I've decided to assign all heads to a different house."

With those words everyone started talking. Some eager to see how they could pull the wool over their new heads, while most of the Gryffindors expecting the worst, the Weasley twins solemnly removing their hats in mock seriousness.

"I wonder who will be our new head. I hope it will be professor Flitwick." Hermione said.

"I hope Snape won't get us or Hufflepuff because all hell will break loose then."

"He would be assigned to Ravenclaw then. I suppose Snape disliked them least of all anyway." Hermione pointed out.

Harry instantly thought of Luna and his heart went out for his friend. "Poor Luna"

Ron snickered.

"What is it Ron?" 'Mione instantly asked.

"I hope the Slytherins will get McGonagall. Will serve them right the bastards. Someone who doesn't cuddle and favor them."

"Ron! You shouldn't talk like that. It was thoughts like that, that ..." Hermione probably would have given Ron a lecture if she hadn't been interrupted by the sound of tingling glass.

The hall slowly grew silent in anticipation who was getting whom. Only the muggleborn first years didn't seem to get what was going on. "Hufflepuff please welcome Professor Flitwick as your new head."

Flitwick smiled at the Puffs and although somewhat tentative at first the puffs welcomed them with applause. Welcoming him like any puff would.

"Ravenclaw will have Professor McGonagall." They didn't seem to enthusiastic but that might be because half the table was too busy reading. McGonagall in her turn gave them a stiff nod. And Ron silently pouted. Hermione however went pale making Harry and Ron look at her worriedly.

"The only houses left are Gryffindor and Slytherin. I doubt Dumbledore will let Snape keep Slytherin so we will get him." She whispered.

"Slytherin will hopefully do well with Professor Sprout."

At the Slytherin table there was a little clapping from some first years that stopped when they noticed the rest of the house not joining and other than that some groans and snickering while looking at the Gryffindor table, but that was quickly cut out when Snape glared at them. Aside from the people who already were awfully silent since the first announcement. But Harry paid no further attention to the silent and pale snakes.

Sprout however ignored it and gave her new house a warm smile. Her loyal Hufflepuff proudly shown on her face for her new family.

At this point everyone had done the maths and there was a tense silence at the Gryffindor table. Some of them silently hoped it would all be a bad dream when they woke up. A few of the younger years broke out crying to be instantly hushed by their friends.

Neville actually fainted into Ginny's lap who looked like she was going to vomit.

Snape gave a small smile that didn't look all to pleasant while over thinking how he was going bring some structure to that unruly bunch of dunderheads before him.

"Come come children. Surely you and Professor Snape haven't always got on to well but he isn't that bad. I'm certain you can work it out. Now I'm done with my announcements I will no longer keep you from your food." He clapped his hands and the food appeared.

But no one was all that hungry. Harry didn't eat anything at all. He couldn't stomach much after coming back anyway. And even Ron only ate enough for two people. It would have been funny if it wasn't for the circumstances.

Snape left the great hall soon after they started eating.

When they entered the common room Snape stood there waiting for them. They unwillingly gathered around him to see what he had to say.

"Good evening. I will have a talk with every year separately. When it's your turn you will all gather by the portrait of the black knight at the end of the corridor. That portrait will lead directly towards my quarters. You can also come there if you need me.

I expect the second-years at 8:30 am, the third-years at 11 am, the fourth-years at 1:30 pm, the fifth-years at 4 pm, the sixth-years at 6:30 pm and the seventh-years at 9:00 pm. Don't be late.

Now everyone has half-an-hour to refresh and do what you normally do. After that I want everyone in their dorms ready to sleep except the first years who should come here and the prefects who can wander over the grounds or sit in the library until 11 pm. I want to talk some things through with you before tomorrow."

He twirled around and stalked out of the room with his billowing cloak. The moment he was out people started talking. A lot of the older students were mad they were send to bed at 8:00 pm. But when it was finally said time everyone lay in bed except the prefects among which Hermione and Ron who made their way outside and the first years that were nervously standing in the common room.

That's when Snape stepped inside again. "For the ones among you who still hadn't figured it out, though that would be daft even for a Gryffindor, I am Professor Snape and I will be your head of house. If any of you has any trouble you can come to me. Now I'd like everyone to sit down on one of the sofas." He said while summoning another sofa to stand around the fire-place so everyone could have a seat.

He asked them about their experiences with magic and informed them of the most important things like he always did while silently praying his prefects would continue to do as he told them and make sure his snakes were alright. He brought them all to madam Pomfrey for a quick basic check up to see if any of them required looking into.

Luckily there are no complications and he was already drinking his second cup of tea when the prefects came back.

"Please take a seat." he said while motioning for them to sit down. "If you'd like some tea just help yourself." He waited to see if they wanted thee but they all declined.

None of them looks at ease at all. He could see in their posture and body language that they didn't trust him in the slightest. Most of the Gryffindors are pretty easy to read, in comparison to his snakes they were like an open book to him.

"First of all I'd like to know what you are accustomed to around here."

After a moment's silence, where he patiently waited, Marjory the sixth-year-prefect and one of his NEWT students opened her mouth. "We just go with the school rules. When Professor McGonagall thinks we get out of line too much she gives us detention or takes points. That's basically it."

"And what about things as completing homework or getting enough sleep."

"That's mostly our own responsibility, sir. But if something really gets out of hand she sets an extra rule for someone but that hardly ever happens."

He sighed. They basically ran free as long as they stayed within the school boundaries. He already gathered as much from Minerva but he wanted the confirmation from the students. He didn't really like what he heard though.

Things were going to change a lot in the lion's den and he knew that they wouldn't like it. Minerva had always been a fan of letting the students figure out what they wanted themselves. She said that a lesson from experience is a lesson best learned and it would help them grow into independent adults.

Severus on the other hand preferred guidance so that the children wouldn't make the wrong choices and could safely grow with the best results. And that also meant he gave them strict rules and he kept a close eye on them to make sure no one was heading in the wrong direction. That was probably because he wished someone had helped him that way when he was younger.

There would be changes for all houses. Though his snakes were accustomed to expectations and he certainly never cast a problem aside he wasn't like Pomona. She was more open about emotions and things like that. You could probably call it motherly. He pictured Draco getting hugged by the woman and nearly snickered. And 'her little pufs' would need to adjust to Filius too. He was really focused on academics rather than emotions.

"I plan on continuing the way I did with my snakes, cause this was in fact meant to make sure you would grow up as balanced as possible. For years you learned Professor McGonagall's ways and now it's time to learn some others too.

In this case it probably means you being a prefect will entail more than it did before so listen carefully. I need your help to make this work. Professor McGonagall is a believer in letting people help themselves. And up to a certain point that works fine.

I have never done that though, because in my house not every child was given a morally right upbringing. And the last thing I wanted was for them to just mindless follow their parents and make the wrong choice by joining the dark side."

Hermione looked at the man before her with interest. She had never really thought about the differences in the houses. She had always assumed they all worked like McGonagall.

Meanwhile the male seventh-year prefect open his mouth to say something about Snape's reputation.

"I'd like to point out that I was a spy and have tried to keep the snakes from making my mistakes for years Mr. Davids." He cut the boy off before he could start.

"As I was saying I am a head of house that sets rules and keeps an eye on his students. And to do that I need your help because I can't spend all day watching my students."

"You want us to spy for you!? Slytherins might like backstabbing but I wi..." Weasley broke out, but he was silenced by a cuff on the head and a glare from Granger. Who had been exceptionally silent so far.

"Each of you will have to look after two years. Mr. Davids and Miss Joli, You can take on the fifth and sixth years but I also expect the other four to help you with their own year so it shouldn't take too much of your time and you can focus on your NEWT's.

Mr. Pewell and Miss Casley you will be responsible for the first and fourth years. And Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger you have the second and third years."

He summoned a stack of parchments from his office. "Here is a list with tasks and rules for you. Read them and don't hesitate to come to me with questions. I will regularly inform about the students and ask if anyone gives you any difficulty or requires extra looking at. I want you to inform me if someone does something unacceptable or needs help but doesn't ask for it." He waited to see how this was received.

The prefects all look somewhat hostile or puzzled.

"I don't ask you to spy for me, but help me help them. When any of you notice someone is acting in a way which would jeopardize their safety, wellbeing and/or future or is in a situation in which this happens I want you to come to me. I can't always do something but I can at least try. I also want to know who is regularly breaking the rules.

Not because I like punishing people and breathing down their necks but because those rules are meant to ensure a healthy and stable learning environment that gets the best out of you and I'd hate for any of you not to reach your full potential. "He could see on their faces this is new to them but they were slowly getting their head around the idea of him being their head-of-house.

Pewell the sixth year prefect was confusedly wondering what Snape meant. How could their safety be 'jeopardized'? Hogwarts was one of the best protected places n the world and Dumbledore himself said they had nothing to fear from you-know-who.

Snape noticed the troubled looking child and waited for the question but that when that question didn't come he spoke up himself. "What is it, Mr. Pewell? Surely you know that I'm not allowed to use legilimency on students or without explicit permission so I'm afraid you need to ask me."

Hermione instantly perked up at the mentioning of something she didn't know about and was already making plans to research it in the library.

"Uhm sir, what kind of stuff do you mean?"

Severus sighed. This day had taken a lot out of him and his patience reserves started to reach their limit. But as he looked at their faces he saw they were worn out as well so he mustered the little bit he had left and started explaining. "I'm sure each of you has at some point illegally drunken firewhiskey at school. Except maybe Miss Granger."

She blushed and looked down.

"And though I'd rather not have you do it, it can't do any real harm. But if there would be someone who regularly drinks a lot, it would have a bad influence on his or her social live, their mood, their grades, it would probably become an addiction and it could result into bad habits later in life. If the latter was the case this person would be ruining his or her live and if you informed me I would put said person get through rehab and try to get his or her live back on track which might even save his or her live and would most likely improve their future.

Now remember this is just a possibility. It could be possible that someone doesn't eat and is getting an eating disorder; is getting regularly beaten by bullies or has little regard for their own life and takes stupid risks because of it. Is it more clear now?"

They nodded but in the corner of his eye he saw Weasley turn red and Granger look away uncomfortable. More so than the others, so he made a mental note to look into that. But now it was time to call it a day.

"Good if that was all I will leave you to it. Oh, and Mr. Weasley, Next time you find the need to be disrespectful you will find yourself scrubbing cauldrons." He turned around and left. Leaving the children confused and wondering if that really had been Professor Snape.


	3. bedtimes!

**_2\. Bedtimes?!_**

Harry Potter lay in his bed with the curtains firmly closed. The dorm was somewhat noisy as the others were still sulking about the early bedtime and loudly discussing their new head of house.

He couldn't believe it. He must be cursed with bad luck. Last year had been really awful.

He dry retched into his pillow remembering Sirius' corpse. Yes, last year had most surely been the worst of his life. If he thought it was over after Sirius' dead, the tournament and being the scapegoat of the ministry he was mistaken though. He was send back to the Dursleys because with the remaining death eaters still there it wasn't safe yet and the ministry denied the whole ordeal.

Summer had been though. Being locked inside his room without a trunk was practically being in a isolation cell. No human contact except for the twice a day Petunia let him go to the bathroom. Uot of boredom he had started hurting himself. After a little he had even managed to sneak a little shaving knife out of the bathroom. Aunt petunia had seen a few cuts at some point but had simply pursed her lips and said nothing.

And now he finally got back to his sanctuary there were a lot of people who wanted nothing to do with him because of the rumours and he had a head of house who hated him. He cast a silencing spell and transformed a sock to a dagger. Slowly he pushed through his skin relishing in the feeling it gave him and mesmerised he watched the blood flow down his arm. When his mind got fuzzy he spelled everything clean and stopped the bleeding. He sunk back in his pillow and let the dreamless darkness take over. Passing out from blood loss was one of the few things that kept the nightmares at bay.

...

The next morning he woke up early, as he was accustomed to at the Dursleys'. He went out bed and saw it was too early to wake Ron and have breakfast so he opted for a long warm shower carefully avoiding the mirrors as he let the ever-present glamours down. He wore glamours these days so he looked more awake and less unhealthy. He felt his insides churning uncomfortable at the thought of Snape being his head of house.

He had no idea how the man was going to turn out and he didn't like it for one bit. At one hand he wanted to just go lie in his bed and pretend it wasn't there. Sadly enough that didn't help. On the other hand he wanted to throw a tantrum and scream and above all demand answers. If only he knew what exactly to expect. But on the other hand he dreaded the answers and didn't want to know. So instead of doing anything drastic he just tried to relax and suppress the dread. It wasn't going to get him anywhere anyway. But of course it didn't help.

When Ron and Hermione were finally awake and ready, they made their way down to the great hall. "You should have seen him. He was all going on about our duties and stuff. He nearly gave me detention because I said I didn't want to tell on people for him." Ron muttered.

"Yes he nearly gave you detention. And to be honest professor McGonagall would have given you a detention too if you had said it to her, so he let you get away with it."

They sat down and Ron attacked his breakfast with passion. Harry was too busy with shoving the food around his plate restlessly to eat much and the little he had eaten made him feel sick.

"He actually seemed rather decent. He is totally different than McGonagall though. He seems a lot more involved. "Hermione mused.

Ron snorted. "Sticking his greasy nose in our business, that's what it is."

Harry just shrugged. Either way Snape hated him. And that meant he needed to keep his head down and try to act invisible. It was the best way to deal with the Dursleys and would probably help with Snape to. Discussing it wasn't going to make a difference.

Besides Snape would just single him out so the way he treated others wouldn't really reflect on him. Adults always treated him different. He hated it. He suddenly felt his stomach protesting against the food he had eaten even if it hadn't been much. He stood, excused himself and made his way to the toilets as fast as he could without calling attention.

But from the head table two obsidian eyes followed him. _Of course the golden boy would need to readjust to the simple meals at Hogwarts after the undoubtedly king worthy things his relatives gave him. But he wouldn't favour the brat. No he would make sure to teach him manners._

Afterwards he asked Hermione to help with his assignments. He hadn't had the chance at the Dursleys'. With her help and a good scolding he managed to get something just passable on his parchment and they were halfway done by a quarter before four. They made their way to the portrait were several others were waiting already. Harry was Happy he had actually skipped lunch otherwise he would have thrown up right then and there. Now they only needed to wait for the bat of the dungeons to get them.

...

The portrait opened and the Gryffindors entered a sitting area with a white wooden floor, dark brown walls and several off-white couches facing a grand fireplace. There were tables and chairs against the wall.

Snape sat at a couch close to the fireplace carefully examining the faces of the teens. Unsurprisingly no-one came to sit with him but at last they were all seated so he began. "Welcome, it's nice to see you were all on time for a change." His dark eyes rested on Harry and Seamus.

"Over the years it has come to my notice that several of you find punctuality optional. That changes now. Each of you is sixteen years old and should be perfectly capable of getting in time for class. I asked the teachers to inform me if someone is late. If I find that you still have trouble you can exercise this skill by coming to see me every morning before class at 08:15 and lying in bed at a quarter past nine every evening."

Seamus opened his mouth to say what they all thought but Snape silenced him with a glare. "If you have questions you can ask them after I'm done."

The Gryffindors glared but no one said anything.

"I also noticed that a lot of you feel the same about homework. If that's the case you can spend your evenings with me helping me prepare ingredients, scrubbing cauldrons and making your homework all the same. And as little of you can afford house elves to pick up after you when you finally live on your own, you will all keep your dorms clean. While I'm your head of house you better behave like well-mannered children rather than a bunch of apes.

I expect everyone inside after curfew. That is not debatable and there are no exceptions. Not even for you, Potter. I want everyone in their beds and lights out by 22:30. Professor McGonagall might have thought you mature enough to decide for yourselves, but the amount of slacking off in class and mistakes caused by bad focus prove me otherwise. Disregard rules, I promise you I _will_ find out."

Everyone fumed inside and Snape got some glares that nearly levelled his own.

"I also want to remind you that fights should be solved with normal conversation. There will be no magic, fighting, pranks, name calling or bad language involved. I have no patient for bullying. Trust me. So I suggest some of you find another hobby."

Harry needed all his self-control not to strangle Snape who was once again glaring at him. Hermione said he wasn't too bad but to Harry he was still the same hypocrite.

"If you find yourself in danger, you come to me. There will be no playing hero and placing yourselves in danger. And before you ask Potter: trolls, three-headed dogs, murderers, dementors , adults who wish you harm and giant snakes count as dangerous. There will be no sticking your nose in things you have no business in this year. The same goes for you Granger and Weasley."

Harry couldn't believe this. The guy acted like they were children who needed someone holding their hand or something. He didn't need a bedtime! He had always taken care of himself. Never had anyone bothered to make sure he was all right. No-one ever gave a damn if he slept in time or whatever and he managed perfectly fine by himself. He had no interest in Snape watching his every move. Thank you very much.

And there he stood making it sound like it was _his _fault that those things happened to him. He just did what he needed to do to protect everyone he cared for and it wasn't like he wanted Voldemort to go after him.

"It isn't my fault Voldemort went after me! And I've never bullied anyone. Malfoy is a big bully but you just ignore him it if he does it."

"Well Potter if you're done yelling, kindly shut that mouth of yours. Other people might give in at your every whim but one would think that 4 years is enough to get through that thick skull of yours that that doesn't work for me. Just like your father throwing tantrums like a five-year-old when you don't get what you want. Believe me Potter I have no intention of letting you run wild under my watch. You have earned yourself a detention tomorrow after dinner. You can scream at the cauldrons all you like."

Harry saw red with anger and was ready to actually kill the man with his bare hands but Hermione put a hand on his arm to calm him down. He knew attacking the man wasn't a wise idea. Years at the Dursleys taught him that provoking adults who were in charge of you was very stupid so he allowed her to help.

"Good, now Prince Potter is done interrupting me, we can continue. If you have any problems you can go to the seventh year prefect or if it's really important you can always come to me. Just ask the knight on the painting to get me. Or if it is medical you can also go to madam Pomfrey. At the moment my focus is to get you ready for the world after Hogwarts as good as possible. Yours should be too.

Now I want everyone to write down what subject you like most, which subject is the easiest, which subject you dislike most, which is the hardest and I also want you to write down why. Then I want to know how you view your future, what you plan directly after Hogwarts and I also want to know which subjects you wish to keep for your NEWTs and why you choose the subjects you currently have. I'll be back in 45 minutes I suspect you will be done by then." With that he left through the door that let into his quarters.

He wasn't stupid he knew they would need to process what just happened and knowing them it would involve a lot of noise and calling him names. That was something that he just shouldn't be present with.

Meanwhile Ron was calling Snape every name he could come up with. And Hermione didn't even bother to scold him like she usually did. No this time she just pursed her lips, she wasn't too happy with the new rules either.

"How am I supposed to do all the extra studying if I need to be in bed by ten thirty?" She exclaimed annoyed. Normally she wouldn't even consider stopping before eleven o'clock.

"Yeah, did you notice how he was bragging about not allowing bullying and name calling and stuff?! He was looking at me the hypocrite. He's a big fat bully himself and he never did anything about Malfoy!"

"And now we need to write him an essay! We haven't been back for two days or he's giving us extra work." Neville huffed to everyone's astonishment.

This seemed to get Hermione back to reality however. "Right, the essay. I'm going to fetch our quills, ink and parchment."

A few moments later she was back and bullied her three friends into starting their essay. Slowly the others calmed and joined too. After half an hour everyone was busy writing and asking each other about what they wrote.

Hermione was quickly done with everything as she already knew what she wanted. She wanted to work at the department of mysteries or go into politics. But she had no idea what she was going to do directly after Hogwarts and she suddenly realised that she didn't really know how to get those jobs.

Ron and Neville already had their plans and with wizarding families they also knew how to get there.

Harry wasn't sure what he wanted. He always assumed that he was going to be an auror and keep fighting Voldemort. But Voldemort was dead and he wasn't sure if he wanted to work for the ministry. And there was the problem with his bad reputation. They might not even accept him. In the end he just wrote down that he wanted to become auror to keep fighting against the dark.

Snape walked into the room again and found that most were done. Everyone turned in their essays and left. "Mr Weasley, please stay behind and you too miss Granger"

Ron internally sighed at the prospect of yet another chat with Snape.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" He asked thinking about the way they reacted the night before when he talked about coming to him with problems.

They stared at him with blank faces and he internally cursed their pitiful Gryffindor intellect."Remember when I asked you to come to me if someone needed help but wouldn't ask for it?" he clarified.

Realization downed upon their faces but they made no move to tell him anything, though both looked highly uncomfortable. "When I asked you to do so you were thinking about someone. I'd like to know who."

The Weasley boy remained tight lipped but Granger seemed to hesitate.

"I will try to help. If it isn't necessary no harm done and if it is necessary it's a good thing you told me." He pressed.

Granger gave in. "It's Harry."

Weasley glared at Granger while Severus instantly drew up his occlumency shields. He knew it wouldn't do to cast them aside now. If he did they would never tell him anything again. So he just drew up a blank mask to hide his irritation though he also felt a little flicker of curiosity. What could have these two teens acting like this concerning the Potter brat?

"Why would you think he needs help?"

"His relatives don't treat him right, sir. He says they hate him. And when he gets back from the summer he's always a lot thinner than at the end of the year. And they never sent letters or give him anything for Christmas. And we aren't allowed to write him in the summer because his relatives don't like owls."

Now Granger had made a start Weasley was soon to follow. "Bloody bastards that's what they are. Before second year we had to break him from his room through his window because they wouldn't let him out. He wrote us they had locked him in there and the door had a cat flap. Harry avoided the subject but it seems to us they gave him food through it."

Severus recalled the accident with the flying car. _Had they really broke him out like that? Than they were even more foolish than he thought._ His whole being screamed that they were liars but he kept his carefully blank facade. "Are you sure?"

"He never really talks about it sir. He always avoids the subject but the little things we do notice are bad enough. But Harry always says they're not that bad and Dumbledore will send him back anyway. He pleads every year if he can stay over the summer break."

"Very well miss Granger, Mr. Weasley. Thank you for sharing I will look into it." He forced himself to say.

"You won't tell Harry we told you, will you?" Weasley asked worried.

"No Mr. Weasley this will stay between us." The children left Snape staring into the fire.

He wanted to cast this aside as stupid attention seeking but he couldn't. His responsibility demanded of him that he would make sure this was indeed nothing but attention seeking.

He sighed. The lessons hadn't even started yet and already the brat was giving him extra work. But it wouldn't be for long because he would soon find out they were just worried about nothing and he would have some peace again. Surely if the brat was abused someone would have done something about it long ago right?

...

After the stupid essay Harry went to the lake alone. He told his friends in no uncertain terms that he needed that, and luckily they accepted. He had realised that he didn't want to be an auror. The aurors only recaptured the death eaters that had escaped during the mass breakout. They didn't go after the other criminals out there because they worked for the ministry and they said they had it all cleaned up.

He knew how fake the ministry was and he had no intention working for them. He thought about the death eaters he saw at the resurrection and the ones at the battle in the ministry. He knew they would escape punishments. But he couldn't stand the thought that they were out there. And of course the 'adults' said they were working on it but they only worked through the legal paths. Not that he could blame them for that. If they just hunted them down they could be imprisoned in Azkaban or something. They had families and people who needed them so they couldn't afford that.

But he could! The Dursleys would be glad; Remus told him he was getting along with Tonks one of the people who had saved him at ministry so he wouldn't be alone and they hardly saw each other anyway; Ron had his family and Hermione had the Weasleys and her own family and everyone else had other people too. They could do without him. He could kill the remaining death eaters and if they caught him he could kill himself and join his parents and Sirius.

He would have to do this alone otherwise he would get Ron and Hermione in trouble but, that was a prise he was willing to pay for their safety. He cast a tempus and noticed he only had half an hour left for dinner. He shrugged and didn't care. He wasn't hungry and he might as well start estranging himself from his friends now. That way the blow would be smaller for them and he had more time to practice.

He planned to finish school or at least a few more years before actively going after the remaining death eaters. At the moment they were too guarded, he wasn't strong enough and people were still paying a lot of attention to him. But with a few years the bastards would think themselves safe, he wouldn't be in the spotlights so much if he kept his head down (he had plenty experience with that) and he would be stronger.

He would plan things through and keep under the radar as much as he could. Surely if the sorting hat wanted to place him in Slytherin he must have some cunning? He was going to do it Slytherin this time around. And everyone assumed he was always blunt about everything so that would work in his favour. With Slytherins people looked for hidden meanings and secret plots but no one would look for it in a Gryffindor.

He smiled and for the first time since the resurrection he felt he had a goal again. True it was different than the other goals he had, but he had one and that's what mattered. When he was small he wanted his relatives' approval; when he got older he wanted to survive them, than he wanted to keep the stone from Snape, stop the basilisk, than he wanted to safe Sirius and overall he just wanted to defeat Voldemort. Now he would kill the remaining death eaters.


	4. The White Room

**_3\. The white room_**

Severus Snape sat staring at the Gryffindor table. Potter wasn't there. He should've known. The brat was hardly more mentally developed than a toddler. He would have thought even Gryffindors would understand that you needed to have healthy balanced meals every day to get the best results.

The brat would probably sneak to the kitchens that evening if not after curfew to stuff himself with sweets. He sighed and decided to let it go for know. He would deal with him at his detention the following evening. For know he needed to prepare the last meetings and then he would finally get some rest.

...

Harry sat on his bed. It was about 5 minutes after 'lights out'. Despite the initial bragging that they weren't going to take this from the greasy git, when it came down to it they all lay in bed on time. He had his curtains closed. Daniël Davids the seventh year prefect had just left. Apparently it was one of their new tasks to check the dorm. Hermione and Ron had done the same with the second and third years. After the prefect had left he had used a _Lumos _and took his 'diary' and a muggle pen.

Hermione had given him those as birthday present. He always lost his notes and never really got the hang of writing with a quill so Hermione had given him a few pens and a couple of notebooks. One of them was supposed to be a diary according to the note attached to it and she had asked Bill to ward it. He wasn't going to use it as a diary but he supposed he could use it for his new mission.

Even if he didn't plan on taking risks until he was strong enough because he didn't want to risk that some of the scum out there would get away. He could plan a hesitant start. And so he sat on his bed mumbling within himself and writing down what he knew and what he needed to do first.

Severus Snape scowled when he softly opened the fifth-year-boys dorm at 11pm. He was checking several of the dorms. At first sight it was peaceful and quiet as it should be. However the majority of the boys had their curtains shut so that wasn't saying much.

He silently cast special monitoring charms at the five beds that could tell him if the occupant was asleep or not. The Potter brat and Longbottom were the only ones awake. He also checked for any spells other than his own working in the dorm. It was from a rather advanced branch of spell work that wouldn't be mentioned until seventh year let alone taught and that came in awfully handy.

He noticed Finnegan had a silencing spell to keep sounds out. Though he could sympathize with the boy for wanting some rest, it was dangerous in case something happened because he wouldn't hear it. He cancelled the spell and decided to mention it to the boy the next day.

The other person who had spells active was (of course) the Potter Brat. He had a silencing charm, keeping others from hearing what went on inside and a _Lumos_. He had half a head to rip aside the curtains surrounding the bed and scare the life out of the arrogant brat. , but he decided against it. He had no desire to know what exactly the boy was doing in there. He would settle for dealing with all of this in the detention. He left and went to check on the other dorms.

...

Harry sat at the Gryffindor table in the great hall slowly eating some dry toast and occasionally sipping some pumpkin juice to force it down. He had been up most of the night thinking and planning. And now he just felt tired. He couldn't really do anything yet for his quest which annoyed him greatly. He was snapping at anything and anyone within close range and didn't really feel up to anything.

Well anything besides cutting, what obviously wasn't a good habit. But then habits rarely are and he wasn't in the mood to care right now. So he shoved the last bit of the toast into his mouth and excused himself to go to the bathroom. His friends luckily didn't really pay him much attention. Hermione was lost in a book about ucclomency or something. And Ron was focused on his breakfast and seemed to be a little uncomfortable around him.

He cut a few shallow cuts on his thighs but it just took the edge of for a few minutes and then it was just as bad as before. He cast a _Tempus _and saw he still had about half an hour before divination started. He stuffed his stuff in his back and made his way to the room of requirements.

But when he paced up and down he couldn't really use his imagination and didn't know what he was looking for so when he stepped inside he was met by completely white spacious room that was deprived of anything except a few mirrors. On the floor was white carpet and there were some perfectly white sheets randomly hanging from the ceiling. All sound was silenced. He looked around and he felt so lost and pained. He needed something _anything _to make it hurt less.

He screamed. It was an agonized scream. If people would hear it they would think of people being forced to watch while some psychopath killed their loved ones; people would think of children writhing under the cruciatus curse; people would think of the last cry of someone who was being kissed by a dementor; people would think of people who had lost everything to pain and emptiness. But although he did feel like that, no one would ever think of him by that description.

He looked into the mirror and was met with his reflection. He saw bloodshot eyes, his school uniform partly concealing his thin body. Suddenly blind rage replaced the emptiness and he attacked the mirrors with a baseball bat that suddenly showed up out of nowhere. The glass splinters were everywhere and some pierced into his skin but he welcomed the pain.

When he was done he started firing all kind or dark curses at the sheets. When he was done he was emotionally, physically and magically exhausted and he curled up crying on the thick carpet. Tears forced their way out and he realized that he was 45 minutes late for class. He shrugged he had two hours with Trelawny.

That was the last thing he felt up to right now and utterly useless. He stayed there for sometime longer and then patched himself up. He wanted to start training but then remembered that he had just depleted his magic somewhat with 30 minutes of rapid firing spells with a lot of force behind it. Instead he decided to start working on his potions essay.

Last night he had decided to step up his game with potions. If he was going to do this on his own he needed to make his own potions. So know he was easily scribbling away at the parchment.

The room was still awfully white but didn't mind as much. But the room was a lot smaller and the glass splinters had disappeared together with the sheets and mirrors (or what was left of it). Now once again an empty feeling settled inside him but it was a calm kind. The room felt timeless and he could concentrate on his work effortless. And that was a true miracle.

...

The rest of the day past in a haze, He went to the other classes and tried to participate even though he didn't pick up everything as fast as he normally would have. At dinner he sat picking at his food. For some reason Ron's strange behavior didn't pass.

Harry noticed he still seemed somewhat on edge around him and Hermione seemed to be too. But Harry just didn't care. He needed all his energy for the detention with Snape and holding up the glamours. Nonetheless they wished him good luck when he headed to Snape's office for his detention.

When he arrived Snape was already waiting for him and motioned for him to sit down in the chair in front of the desk.

"Ah, you managed to come on time for a change Potter?" Snape said wanting to keep things as normal as possible. He was going to talk about a good many of things with the brat one of those things was his treatment at home.

He didn't think that the boy got treated like any less than royalty at home so then he had no reason to treat the boy any different. And if in some strange abnormal way the boy had a less than desired home life he would probably just scare him if he suddenly acted differently.

"Well Potter it seems we have to go over a lot of things because your behavior has left a lot to be desired." He said while Harry gritted his teeth.

"While we have this conversation you will not interrupt me, answer truthfully and be respectful. I have no qualms about adding days of detention when you are cheeky like yesterday."

"Now Potter, pray tell me why you feel the need to cause havoc already when we aren't even at school for a week?"

"I don't sir."

"Then pray tell why in those three days you've already done 4 things that earn you detention with me?"

Harry furrowed his brow in confusion. He could only remember skipping class and being cheeky so what else was the man going on about?

"Since you apparently are so daft that you need everything spelled out for you I will only give you 4 other detentions and consider yourself lucky with that,"

Harry bit his lip drawing blood to prevent him from protesting as that would only earn him more detention.

"First of all you have one detention for your cheek. This one. Do I need to explain that any further?" He asked sneering down on the brat who was biting his lip hard enough to draw blood.

Harry shook his head.

"Verbal answers please Mr. Potter. And stop trying to eat your bottom lip. Cannibalism doesn't suit you."

"Nosir" Harry said through clenched teeth.

"Very well that brings us to your next offense. You are to attend the meals in the great hall and eat a balanced meal every day. I won't have you going to the kitchen every evening to stuff yourself with sweets and other unhealthy food. I want you to make a presentation about good and bad eating habits. And why proper nutrition is important which you can show to all your housemates. Merlin knows those Weasleys aren't the only one stuffing themselves with dessert and avoiding a proper amount of vegetables."

Snape needed all his control not to start laughing at the utterly confused and baffled face of the-boy-who lived. Apparently his insult that the boy needed everything spelled out was more accurate than he thought.

"As I said the kitchen is off limits. And I will inform the house elves so don't try you will only make them feel bad. This goes for the rest of your house to so this gives you the opportunity to inform everyone that the kitchens are off limits and they need to eat balanced. Otherwise I may feel inclined to put the whole house on a special diet." He said smirking at the image of the Gryffindors pouting over their plates filled with greens and some fruits as dessert instead of ice cream and chocolate cake.

Harry saw the evil smile which was officially the creepiest thing since the resurrection of Voldemort and decided that he wouldn't give Snape the satisfaction.

"And then the next point. When I say 'lights out' I mean you need to go to sleep. So if you want to ... do things that require light and a silencing spell I suggest you do it before lights out. Or just reserve that kind of things for when you have your own apartment and maybe a wife." Snape said carefully keeping his unease with the subject hidden, and enjoying the look of confusion on the boys face before he started turning bright pink.

Harry on his turn was rather confused what his professor meant and mostly busy wondering how Snape knew he was up and most of all worried that his professor might find out about his mission. And then he suddenly realized what his professor thought he had been doing. He felt his face burning and he wished that the ground would swallow him right then and there.

He was rather grateful that the man made assumptions about the reasoning behind what happened but this was really uncomfortable.

"So for this you will serve another detention scrubbing cauldrons Wednesday after dinner. I also want a five feet essay about healthy sleep patterns and why they are needed. And I want you in bed and ready to sleep at ten the rest of the school week. Any questions?"

Harry was livid and finally over his shame over Snape's assumptions. He had been in his bed and not causing any trouble but still the man was on his case. "But I didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't causing any trouble. What do you care if I sleep or not? And just for the record I did nothing remotely near what you were just implying and that's just grows." Harry managed only slightly blushing as his anger was overruling his shame. "Ok, I get you want us to keep out of trouble so we don't die under your watch or give you a bad reputation. But really I was just ..." He suddenly shut up horrified that he had nearly told Snape his secret.

Snape noticed and the bad was done. Snape was curious what the-boy-who-lived could be doing in his bed with a silencing charm that wasn't closely related to the Testosterone overproduction of his teenage body.

"Yes, what were you doing then Mr. Potter?"

Harry blurted out the first thing he could come up with: "I was writing in my diary sir."

Snape raised an eyebrow but decided to let the matter go. Who knew that the boy-who-lived kept a diary? "Very well, as to your other complaints. You will find out while writing your essay that sleep is really important for your health and a lack of it could have a bad influence on your education. And I don't want anyone slacking off in class as I already pointed out yesterday.

And then there's the matter of your skipping class. For which you will spend one detention with me scrubbing cauldrons next Thursday and two detentions with professor Trelawny. Do I need to explain to you why skipping class is a bad thing?"

"nosir."

Snape braced himself for the next part as he was undoubtedly going to hear loads of complaints about Potters relatives.

"Potter, are you as cheeky at home with your relatives as you are with me?" He asked as if it was just a random question.

"Sometimes sir." Harry answered in a wary voice. He didn't really like speaking about his relatives let alone with Snape. He had decided that he would settle for something as neutral as possible as long as he didn't know where this was going.

"When you are cheeky to them Potter, tell me what do they do?"

_They starve me, lock me up in the cupboard for days, come up with extra chores, call me names and rant at me and they used to cuff me in the head. But there is no way I'm going to say that._

"Let me rephrase that Potter. When your relatives are mad at you what do they do?"

"Uh, I get send to my room, extra chores; they scold me or send me to bed without food." Harry answered with the understatement of the year.

Snape decided that that sounded reasonable enough and there was no reason to look any further into it, even going as far as ignoring the little voice in his head that reasoned that he didn't really know anything yet.

"Very well Potter. In the potions classroom is a stack of cauldrons. Clean them all without any magic and when you're done you may leave."

Harry set to work still wondering what the weird question had been about


	5. Detention

**5\. Detention**

Harry glared at the pink cloaked lady in front of the classroom. Even though she was the complete opposite of Snape on the outside he soon learned she detested him just as much.

And she seemed to be even worse a teacher. She wouldn't teach them anything. They were supposed to just sit at their desk and read their books like nice little children. And on top of that she gave him a detention for telling the truth.

Having people not believing him he hadn't even met was one thing, Having lies told about him printed in the papers like they were facts was another, It really hurt when other students stayed away from him because their parents told them too or because they didn't want him to. But now even teachers assigned him detentions for telling the truth.

He had detention after the class ended with the toad before his detention with Snape, and he still needed to do a transfiguration essay. And with Snape's new rules he couldn't do it at lunch time or after curfew.

Sighing he kept acting like a good student until he finally could start with his detention as this was his last class of the day.

"Well Mr. Potter" the toad began in her awfully sweet voice after the others had left. "You will write lines until the end of your detention saying 'I may not tell lies' hopefully that will help will help you to think twice about telling lies in the future"

Harry shrugged, undoubtedly Snape's detentions would be worse if she indeed only made him write lines, and he reached in his back for his quill and ink.

"Oh no Mr Potter I have a special quill for detention. I always find it has more impact on students than a normal quill" She smiled sardonically while handing him the black quill. He eyed it suspiciously.

"Mr. Potter I suggest you start working now or you might be late for detention with professor Snape"

He instantly began wondering if she really would keep him that long. That was 3 hours away. But his worries were driven away from the duration of the detention when he felt a cutting pain in the palm of his hand. He looked just in time to see the words he had written disappear from his hand.

He looked up in Umbridge's face whose smile was even bigger than before. "Oh, didn't I tell you? This quill uses blood instead of ink. Now continue writing or I might feel inclined to give you another detention tomorrow.

He quickly continued writing using his experience from the Dursleys to keep from crying out. The pain in his hand gradually worsened with every sentence. After a while he noticed that the words stopped disappearing and started being an actual wound. He had no idea of the time as there was no clock and Umbridge would undoubtedly assign him another detention if he cast a tempus.

But it felt like forever and his hand hurt like hell. When the toad finally let him go with the instruction to come back Saturday at 7 pm to finish his lines he had 10 minutes left to go to Snape. He made his way to the dungeons while he adjusted his glamours to cover his hand.

His stomach growled as he knocked on the door of the potions classroom."Ah, do come in mr. Potter and please explain to me why you skipped yet another dinner right when you not even finished your punishment for the last time?" Snape asked. And he was livid. Harry fearfully looked into the raging eyes of his head while at the same time annoyed. Had the guy been watching him? Didn't he have anything better to do? "I was in detention with Umbridge, I just got out."

"It's professor Umbridge and why were you in detention?'

"I said that book theory wouldn't help us if we were in danger then she asked home we could possibly het in danger and I mentioned Voldemort. Then she called me a liar and gave me a detention"

"Fine start on your presentation. And I suggest you watch your mouth around her next time and keep your head down. Even if I understand that to be close to impossible in your case. She has a lot of influence and it could have bad consequences if the headmaster would get a disagreement with her. We just have to bear with her. Even if we dislike her and her methods."

He entered his office through the portrait that led from the higher teaching platform in the potions classroom to his office to grab some uncorrected essays. He frowned for a second and then floocalled Umbridge, "Dolores."

He said in greeting ignoring the painfully pink room, "Severus. What can I do for you?" The woman asked. She seemed to favour him over the other staff members if her behaviour was anything to go by. And he for one wasn't one to destroy possible alliances so he acted civil and played along even though he detested the lollipop. "I want to know if you just had the Potter brat in detention with you." "Yes I had. I can see what you mean when you say he is disrespectful, cheeky and talks back." " yes he truly obnoxious, isn't he? Did you let him go about a quarter before seven?" "Indeed I did." "Would you mind letting the Gryffindors go before curfew and mealtimes. I find those moments' important ways to keep track of them as Merlin knows the brats get in all kind of trouble."

"I heard the boy has detention with you now?" "He has and I better check in with him before he causes trouble." "Good luck with that," "Thank you." Severus withdrew and called a house elf. He supposed it wouldn't do to scold the brat for missing meals but ignoring it when it wasn't his fault. So he ordered the houself to bring some pumpkin juice, a meat ball fried potato slices and carrots.

That way he could give the brat an example of what he was supposed to eat and make sure he ate. He would not give the brat an excuse to complain to his housemates that he wasn't consequent.

Harry was indeed grudgingly making his presentation while thinking Snape to be a hypocrite. Suddenly Snape came back in the classroom and to Harry's irritation he carried a plate with food. So now the guy was going to eat right in front of him while knowing he hadn't had any. Well he wasn't going to let it get to him. The Dursleys did this all the time but they were much better at it than Snape.

He settled for just ignoring the man.

Snape settled the plate in front of him and expected the brat to start whining that it wasn't up to his standards as the most part was carrots. But the brat didn't even give it a glance he just ignored it. "I expect you to eat all the carrots."

Harry looked up. Did the git really get him food? He decided to ask. Surely it couldn't be. "Sorry?"

"I said that I expect you to eat all the carrots." The brat looked flabbergasted. He looked at the plate as if it might attack him. Then he slowly reached for the fork ready to pull back any minute. And he kept shooting Snape glances.

"For Merlin's sake potter. Start eating or I'll lengthen your detention." He turned around and started grading papers while the boy started eating. The first bites were tentative but soon the boy was enthusiastically eating.

Harry looked at the plate. He didn't know why Snape suddenly gave him food and he had his suspicions that it might be poisoned, but he really wanted some food and he wanted to have some time to finish the presentation. The carrots were amazing. He looked longingly at the meatball but forced himself to keep to the carrots as the plate was pretty full. He hadn't had a chance to restart eating normal meals yet so he knew it would probably be to rich and he wouldn't be able to eat it all.

And indeed after two thirds of the carrots he felt stuffed. He really wanted to set aside his plate and stop eating but also remembered Snape telling him to finish all the carrots. He hesitated a moment and then shoved aside his plate. Sighing continued the presentation.

Severus watched the boy. He hadn't really expected the brat to start eating the carrots. The brat even seemed toe enjoy eating them and ate like he wouldn't eat again for weeks. But a little after he slowed down and even played with his food as if he didn't want to eat more. Then he shoved his plate aside and continued writing. The brat had finished about two thirds of the carrots and he hadn't even touched the potatoes or the meatball. The boy hadn't had enough, had he?

"Mr. Potter. What part of finish all carrots wasn't clear to you. If you dislike them than that's too bad. I don't want you to terrorize the house elves tonight because you're hungry."

"But I've had enough sirs. I won't go to the house elves I promise."

"No, you won't cause if you did they wouldn't give you anything and report it to me. Nonetheless you need to finish all carrots cause you need your nutrients, I'm sure you get more than enough fat, protein and carbohydrates from your visits to the kitchens."

Snape said while giving the boy a good look. For the first time he really took an effort to look at the boy and he noticed that the boy was rather thin. Normally he was to focused on the similarities with James to see that. His eyes narrowed and he saw the small signs of glamour. Maybe the boy didn't get plenty of the other foods after all.

Harry looked at Snape and saw the hard look in his eyes. He knew better than to go against that, so he continued eating the carrots piece for piece while ignoring his protesting stomach. He only hoped he wouldn't throw up in front of the man. He risked a glance at the potions master who was scowling down at him and whose eyes were busy piercing him down. Suddenly his stomach decided to take matters into its own hands. He urged forward to get to the toilets but Snape grabbed his arm.

Suddenly the Potter brat leaped from his seat and made a run for it. He automatically caught the boy. He was enraged that the arrogant boy tried to run from his detention. When he was about to lecture the boy he started vomiting.

Harry was mortified. He had just barely missed the gits shoes. But he didn't have much time to ponder upon it because a new wave of nausea hit him.

Snape watched in shock while the boy sank to the ground retching even after he had lost all stomach content. It was only when Potter rose his blazing eyes to meet his that he snapped out of it. He instantly summoned a stomach calming draught and vanished the vomit on the floor and then he banished the filthy robe to the house elves. Household spells never were a strong point of his.

"Potter, what is the meaning of this?"

"What do you mean sir?" Harry asked innocently.

"I mean that you are hardly more than skin and bones."

With the upperrobe gone the boy was wearing an oversized trouser and t-shirt. The boy had always looked slim but seeing him like this the boy looked tiny.

Harry didn't really know how to react to that so he just shrugged.

"Potter, how did you get so thin?"

"Oh, I've always been thin sir."

"Yes Potter I know that but this thin to the point of malnourishment. How come you're underweight Mr. Potter?" Snape said with narrowed eyes. The brat stayed silent and seemed awfully uncomfortable. Was the boy trying to be light for quidditch or something? "Ok, let me rephrase that question. What do you do different than the Weasleys and Granger that makes them a lot fatter than you?"

Harry wrecked his brain for an excuse. "I've been sick over the summer sir and I lost a lot of weight."

The lie was a good one but Severus was so alert that no lies could get past him. "Do. Not. Lie. To. Me. Potter. I suggest you try again and the truth this time."

"I'm just not hungry sir. With all the stuff going on I can't really eat much and now when I eat too much or heavy I throw up." Harry hoped the man would be satisfied with that. He hadn't told the man everything but this was as far as he was willing to go.

Snape saw that the boy told the truth. Or at least something near it. It was a plausible explanation. He thought the boy held something behind but this was enough for now. He still needed to be sure though. "So you do not starve yourself to get better at quidditch?" The boy's honestly surprised face was enough to reassure him.

"But you did seem to enjoy the first part of your carrots rather well."

Harry was surprised to note that the man did have a point. He didn't mind eating alone as much as eating in the great hall. He had never gotten quiet used to the big affair around meals. "I guess I don't like all the people and noise in the great hall at meals so much. "

This surprised Severus again. He could see it was the truth but he didn't expect Potter to have that problem. And there was also that voice in the back of his mind telling him he oversaw something but he couldn't quiet tells what it was.

"Well Mr. Potter. From now on you will get a plate with food. That will be specially balanced to help you regain a normal Weight and you also get potions. An appetizer before every meal he summoned a red phial. And after every meal you will get a nutrient and a stomach soother. I expect you to eat everything. You can go to your common room now. Remember that you have an early bedtime and I want your essay next week. Also I want you to step by madam Pomfrey tomorrow so she can examine how bad your situation is."

Harry didn't want to go to the infirmary at all. What if they found the scars?

Severus dismissed the brat and went to his personal chambers. Then he suddenly remembered what Weasley and Granger had talked to him about. They said his relatives only gave him a cup soup a day. That sounded fitting. He guiltily admitted to himself that maybe he hadn't looked too hard. But with this new information he knew he needed to look into it again and he promised himself to really look this time. But there was no haste to it. For now there was more than enough going on. The brat's home life could wait.

He made an mental note to ask madam Pomfrey to look for further signs of abuse. The boy's body language at the mentioning of the infirmary had tensed. He didn't want to go. Potter had tried to control his reaction that much was obvious. But he hadn't been a spy for nothing.

He walked over to his wine stock and took a glass of his favourite wine. He really needed some right now.

...

Harry made his way to the common room. He warned his friends about Umbridge having really harsh punishments and then made his way to bed.


	6. Out in the open

**6\. Out in the open**

The next morning Harry felt awful. Nightmares had plagued his dreams all night. And in between he had lain awake thinking about what Snape had seen. What was the man up to? Why did he act like that.

He just wanted some rest.

He didn't even really feel up to making the effort to cut. He certainly didn't feel like eating. He just wanted out. Just for a little. Even though he would prefer days. Just not being.

His limps felt too heavy to rise. And he got even more tired thinking about his plans to study so he could kill the remaining death eaters all right. To be honest he didn't feel like training at all. He could do that another day. And he only needed to learn what was really important anyway. And so what if he didn't kill all of them before he died. He had fought bloody Voldemort for all those years. Surely the wizarding world had nothing to complain about if he took a day off. Or a week.

His limps felt heavy. It was just too much of an effort to raise them. He knew he should go to madam Pomfrey today. But that was another thing he needed to do that was just too much of an effort. Oh well, if he was going to have to go to Pomfrey today anyway he might as well be 'sick'. maybe Pomfrey would give him a dreamless sleep. That might help him be out of it for a little.

The problem was that if he went to madam Pomfrey he she probably wanted him to stay in the infirmary. And that was something he didn't feel up to. He just wanted to be alone. He wanted some rest and peace.

And the other problem was that he needed to go to the infirmary first. And the thought of doing so made tears well up in his eyes because it was so overwhelming. Cause than he need to get dressed. Go to the common room with all those people saying 'hi' to him and talking in general. And he needed to go through the way to bright hallways. Descend the stairs that might just change and that would mean he might need to walk even further. And then he needed to have a conversation with madam Pomfrey.

And he didn't feel like thinking and planning and being on his guard for her not to find out stuff. That was just too exhausting. Deep down he knew he probably should get up. Go about his day and then go to the infirmary in the afternoon. But it really was too much. He couldn't even bring himself to care about the consequences.

"Hey Harry time to get up or you'll be late."Ron said.

"I'm not feeling well I'm staying in bed today Ron."

"You should go to madam Pomfrey then Harry. I can take you now if you want."

"I will go later. Thanks though." Harry would go once he felt better for now he was just going to lay there over thinking life.

...

"Mr. Weasley please stay behind. " Severus said at the end of class. "Could you tell me where Mr. Potter is?"

Weasley looked at him. "He's in the infirmary I think. He wasn't feeling well this morning and stayed in bed."

"Thank you, that's all."

When Weasley had left Snape made his way to the infirmary. To his utter annoyance there was no Harry there. So he went to the dormitory. Pulled the curtain of Potter's bed aside. And indeed there was potter laying on his side. staring ahead. Big walls under his eyes, pale face, hollow eyes.

"Potter, if you are sick you ought to go to the infirmary."

The boy looked up. "I'm too tired sir. Slept really bad last night."

Snape nearly felt pity for the boy who truly looked run over by a truck. He looked like he was in deepest pool of despair.

"Nonetheless you should have gone to the infirmary or told one of your classmates to get madam Pomfrey to you."

"What's the use? I don't wanna be in the infirmary. It's too bright and I don't want people around me all day. I just want to be alone and get some rest. The infirmary will only make me feel worse."

Snape raised an eyebrow. Someone was melancholic today. "Well Potter, it isn't strange you feel tired with the amount of nutrients your body gets. And I also believe I told you to go to the infirmary regardless so you might as well go now."

He said somewhat sharper as he pulled the boy to his feet. Noting how light he was and how thin he looked in his long sleeved shirt and long pajama pants.

He was not in the mood for whiny teens no matter how bad they were feeling. He took the boys upper arm. Transfigures a rope from a pillow and gave it to the boy who put it on agonizingly slow. And then dragged the boy to the infirmary doing about seventy percent of the walking for the boy by pulling him along.

When they got into the infirmary the boy went to sit on the bed without a word of protest. He seemed deprived of any energy. He informed Poppy of the fact the boy was there. Then she send him on his way like she always did. She didn't like people looking on her fingers when she was working. Never had. So without a word Snape went to his chambers and took a glass of fire whiskey.

...

"Hello Mr Potter nice to see you ones again." Madam Pomfrey said while walking in. "Severus was right. You don't look good." Harry sighed.

"I'm just tired. Can I go to sleep?"

"Not before I know what's wrong. Besides Severus wanted me to give you a thorough check up. Now why don't you get out of those robes and lay down on top of the sheets and let me do my work."

After he slowly shredded his robes he lay down on the bed.

"Now just relax Mr. Potter"

Harry closed his eyes and lay back. There was nothing to be done now. So he lay there and thought about the uselessness of life.

When she was busy he knew she saw the malnourishment and the cuts. But she stayed professional and didn't show any sign of surprise.

"First of all Mr. Potter, do I assume right when I assume you made some of your scars yourself?"

Harry saw no point in lying. But he was irritated at her nose in is business.

"That is none of your business. I need it and it's my body I can do what I want that's all there is to it."

"Maybe you think so, but I am going to inform your head of house. What more concerns me is where you got that blood quill you used."

She gave him a stern glare.

"You think I used that on myself?!"

"If not than who did it?"

"Umbridge"

Pomfrey pinched her nose.

"I hope you understand that this is a serious accusation. Are you sure you want to make it?"

"What does it matter?"

Poppy sighed at the youth who sat at the bed being pale with big bags under his eyes.

Her reading gave through he had a chemical imbalance in his brain at the moment. Muggles called it depression.

She quickly sent a patronus for Severus.

When Snape arrived they talked to each other in hushed voices. Harry just lay back and waited. He wished for sleep and nothing but. Just so he wouldn't be present.

...

Severus arrived fast after the patrunus. He saw Harry laying in bed.

"Severus, we have a problem with a blood quill."

"A blood quill?"

"Yes, Mr. Potter has been subjected to one I'm afraid. He has professor Umbridge uses one."

Severus turned towards the boy who was laying eyes closed in bed.

"Is this true Mr. Potter."

"Yes, Professor" The boy mumbled eyes stil closed.

"When did she do this?"

"Yesterday in detention sir."The boy said. He didn't seem to have his heart in it.

"Why don't you go to sleep while professor Snape and I talk some more."

Poppy and Severus walked towards her office looking out on the infirmary.

"What else did you find?" Severus asked.

"He has several scars from the past. But they could come from roughhousing and playing with the occasional accident. He IS however underweight and there are several signs of neglect. I'm also afraid he's harming himself. Are you capable of handling it from here?"

"Yes of course, Thank you Poppy."

"You're welcome dear."

Severus glared. He didn't like it when she called him 'dear', but he didn't say anything of it. He respected the witch grately.


	7. talks

Harry woke up the next morning after an awful nightmare. Some death eaters had killed mister Weasley.

He sighed. Nervous for what was to come next. He hated not knowing. So he did always does in this kind of situation: he went to the loo. However afraid of Poppy getting onto him he just started banging his head against the wall. It gave him some sort of relieve.

When he walked out Snape was waiting for him next to the bed. Harry went over and climbed in bed again.

Severus watched the boy in silence for a few seconds before speaking.

"Umbridge has been removed from her position as DADA teacher."

"oh"

"Potter… Harry, you must realise that things cannot remain as they are, do you not?"

Severus watched the boy stare ahead blankly. He sighed.

"Things are going to change. We need to talk about this."

Severus sighed. He didn't like these conversations at all. But still as a head of house he needed to protect his students.

"There isn't much to talk about sir. You already know about Umbridge."

"I beg to differ. You are malnourished and you self mutilate. You also seem to be depressed."

Harry just stared.

"I want you to see a therapist."

"WHAT!?" Now there was a reaction.

"No way."

Severus couldn't help but think that it was just like his father to be too good for help.

"Potter this is not up for discussion. I've planned your first appointment this evening."

With that Severus walked out of the infirmary leaving The potter brat cursing behind him. He didn't even bother taking points.

* * *

Sure enough later that evening Harry sat reluctantly in a office with a smiling therapist. He was tall with a BMI of about 27 and had brown hair and a slightly crooked roman nose. His brown eyes shone kindly. It made Harry wonder why the man would want to do such a thing as becoming a therapist.

"Hello Harry, I'm Jonathan."

Harry just nodded to the man.

"First I need you to know that unless there is a threat to someone's life I can't tell anyone anything without your permission unless it's with other professionals for a second opinion or just case reviews. But that doesn't go outside this building without your knowledge."

"Other than that I will also have talks with professor Snape about you but I won't disclose any information. I will simply listen and give advice as how to deal with you."

Harry looked sullen at that but didn't protest.

"This means that this is a safe place. You can tell me anything."

Harry stared at the man. He wasn't about to just talk to some random stranger.

"I don't have anything to tell."

"Listen Harry, I know it's hard to trust a random stranger. But for this to work we have to trust each other. And I really want you to make me a promise. Please don't lie to me. If you don't want to talk about something you can say so. But it would really help things along if you didn't lie."

Harry stayed silent and looked away uncomfortable. He rarely had someone ask him something like that. People were always commanding and expecting but hardly ever asking.

"With your permission I'd like to try a few things to see if I can help you break that habit of hurting yourself. How about that?"

Harry shrugged. He couldn't really imagine things without. It just hurt too much.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I don't know."

"What could be a good reason not to try it?"

"Maybe I just don't want to be here. And let you shrink me or something." Harry murmured.

"Harry are you happy?"

"Well no, not really?"

"Would you like to be more happy and healthy?"

"Yeah I guess."

"Than I propose we work together to achieve that."

Harry reasoned that if he was more healthy than it would be easier to fight off the dead eaters. So he decided to give the man a chance.

"Ok" Harry sighed.

"Good" Jonathan smiled."Do you want to stop cutting?"

"No, I need it."

"But if you didn't need it wouldn't that be nice."

"Yeah I guess it would be."

"well, let's work on it then. See you next week Harry"

"Bye"

Harry walked out of the office. Snape was already waiting for him to take him back to Hogwarts. Where Harry soon retired to his dorm without talking to his friends.

…

After Snape had brought Potter back to Hogwarts he apparated back to the counselor's office. He needed to talk to Jonathan.

"Hello professor, thank you for coming."

"Good evening. How did your talk with Potter go? I assume he gave you a hard time."

"Not even all that much really. Tell me how is Harry in school?"

Severus couldn't help but sneer. "He's a real troublemaker. Always seeking attention. Just like his father."

Jonathan jotted something down that Severus couldn't read.

"Do you know anything about his upbringing?"

Severus sneer lessened somewhat. "There has been signs of abuse." He admitted.

Jonathan nodded thoughtfully.

"What kind of trouble has he gotten into?"

"The boy has no regard for his life always putting himself in danger thinking he is so great he can solve everything himself. He also feels like he is above the rules. I tell him to go to sleep and he stays up half the night instead of trying to sleep."

Jonathan raised an eyebrow. "You don't really like the boy, do you?"

Severus sneered again. "He's an arrogant troublemaker and a bully just like his father."

"Severus. I'm slightly concerned. Is your attitude towards the boy always like this. If so you might not be the right person to help the boy."

Severus glared at the man. Was he implying he wasn't suited to do his job? The nerve. Severus had always been a good and fair head of house. True he never really showed affection and where Potter was concerned much of the opposite was the case. But still he was not a man to shirk his duties.

"I'm perfectly capable of doing the necessary, thank you very much."

Jonathan just sighed. "very well then. We need to talk about possible special arrangements the boy might need. In my professional opinion the boy needs structure and regularity. He might need some help going to all lessons but it would be good for him. Also he needs someone he can go to if the urge to self harm gets too much. He mustn't be alone too much. Make sure he eats and sleeps. Also don't be too harsh on him but don't go soft either. Make sure he knows what he gets if he steps out of line and give him that. Are you able to manage that?"

Severus nodded.

"Very well I will see you in two weeks to talk about Harry again. If anything comes up owl me."

…...

The next day was saturday and Harry went to the library to prepare for his essay and his presentation. Luckily Hermione was glad to help once she learned what part of his punishment was and was really excited about it really.

Harry stayed in his dorm for most of the rest of the day. Above all he lay there just thinking. He didn't really feel up to doing his homework.

That evening Harry went to Snape's office as he was excused on friday evening since he had an appointment with Jonathan. He started scrubbing cauldrons. After an hour of scrubbing Snape called him.

"Mr. Potter please come here and take a seat. We have things to discuss."

Harry's gut twisted with those words.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello everyone, Here's another update. Let me know if you like your updates more often and less in length or more in length and less often. I also have a beta now Sword Hallow. She's awesome.**

_"__Mr. Potter please come here and take a seat. We have things to discuss."_

_Harry's gut twisted with those words._

Severus looked at the teen in front of him. What was he going to do with him.

"Potter relax I'm not going to bite hard." Severus said when the teen looked about to bolt any minute.

The boy however did not seem to understand the joke, as he shifted on his feet, his face showing his fright.

Which Severus should have known. He really was a daft dunderhead after all.

"Listen Potter, I need you to promise me that if you harm yourself to an extent you can't heal yourself you will go to the infirmary."

Harry looked up in surprise. The man wasn't even telling him he couldn't harm anymore. Just to go to the infirmary if it got too bad. He probably didn't care about him. The git only cared for him not to die on his watch.

Meanwhile Snape already went on, oblivious to the thoughts passing in Harry's brain. "I also expect you to attend all meals and eat something. Alongside the nutrient potions you will take from now on."

Severus looked at the teen in front of him who seemed awfully angry and on edge. He noticed the boys nails going in and out of his palm. The boy was probably going to hurt himself the moment he got out, so Severus decided to do something he wouldn't normally allow.

"Alright Potter, I'm going to give you five minutes of speaking freely in which you can tell me what's bothering you."

"what do you care? If I want to cut my leg off then let me. It's not like you want to help me. Look if I act as if you are doing your duty can you leave me alone alright. No one will know you aren't helping me like the kind man everyone knows you are." The last part was laced with sarcasm.

At this Severus needed to try very hard to stay calm. No one could ever say he shied away from the things he was responsible for. Severus was a man of duty and honor.

"Good, now you got that of your chest let's continue or do you want another few minutes for your temper tantrum?"

Severus said smirking.

The boy stayed silent, shuffling on his feet, his face red with the rage he was repressing.

"I do not intend to let you wallow in your misery Potter. That being said. If you feel really bad you can go to the infirmary. There is a room there. It has silencing spells on it so no one hears you and you are not disturbed. You can also practice magic in there. The walls are warded and won't let any accidental or other magic through. We use it for students who have autism or very aggressive accidental magic so they can let it out without damaging too much. You can be alone there for a while and write in your diary for example or let out some rage. I already told Madam Pomfrey that you are allowed access to that room. If you can't be in class you may go there and let Madam Pomfrey know. Don't abuse this privilege Potter because I will know."

The brat was eyeing him with wide eyes. He didn't seem able to believe it.

Severus swallowed, the next part was hard on him to say. "Also if you have a strong urge to cut and can't be alone you can always go to me, Madam Pomfrey or Professor Sprout."

"Why Professor Sprout sir?" Harry blurted out without thinking, confusion flitting across his face.

"Because she has done some light training in mental healing and is the special needs expert here in school."

"Do you have any other questions mister Potter?"

He shook his head flabbergasted by the idea the man would even consider himself approachable in times of need.

…..

The next day, Monday evening, Severus called a house meeting. Everyone gathered in the common room curious what was going on.

Everyone except Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"Oh really Harry it isn't that bad. It's just a presentation. Surely you've done one before." Hermione tried to assure him.

Harry looked somewhat green. He had indeed given a presentation at primary school and it had gone extraordinarily awful. Dudley had made his preparations disappear and did everything in his power to make it one of the worst experience in Harry's live. That and the fact that he didn't like attention and that this was a punishment from Snape made his gut twist.

He desperately wanted to go to his room and scream.

Harry went down to the common room and started his presentation over the need for proper nutrition. He felt like he was going to puke and talked way faster than he normally would. He wanted to harm himself desperately. He started clenching and unclenching his hand while talking about the amount of vegetables and the repercussions of not getting enough. He talked about anemia and obesity. When he was finally done Snape added that if he caught anyone not eating proper he would put them on a special diet.

That being said everyone spread around again and went to do their own stuff.

Harry went up to the toilets and started bruising his upper leg. When he got out Snape looked at him. A chill ran down Harry's spine. The git looked at him as if he knew. And he probably did.

…

The next day Harry felt awful again. He had hardly slept all night. He just wanted to be alone. The thought of facing anyone made him feel sick to his stomach. But the thought of having detention with the man was even worse. He decided to go to the infirmary to see about that room. Maybe he could practice his defensive and offensive spells for a bit.

So at the crack of dawn before his friends were even awake he made his way to the infirmary where he found Madam Pomfrey already up and about.

"Good morning Mr Potter. How are you today?" She asked cheerfully with hints of concern getting through.

Ignoring the question Harry said. "Snape said I could use some kind of room here."

He half expected her to ask what he was talking about. Afterall it sounded too good to be true.

But sure enough the kind woman nodded and let him towards the back of the infirmary where there was a room out of sight. Harry sighed in relief, he could be alone and no one would know, besides Madam Pomfrey, that is.

"Have you had any breakfast dear?"

Harry stared at his knees. He had hoped she would have forgotten about that. Some days he just didn't feel like eating and today was one of those days.

"I'm not very hungry." He murmured

"None the less you need to eat. I will have one of the house elves send something up along with your potion."

Harry nodded in defeat and went into the room.

In the room stood one wooden table at a far end with a seat. There was also a beanbag in the corner and some blankets. Other than that the room was white.

Suddenly food appeared on the table. Harry sat down and started eating slowly. His food tasted like ash.

When he was done he went to sit in the bean bag.

Several hours later Harry was still sitting there. Staring ahead and doing nothing.

There was a knock on the door and madam Pomfrey came in with lunch.

"Hello dear. How are you doing?"

She asked as she went to sit on the stool.

Harry wondered what he should say. He wanted to say he was fine but then she might tell him to go to class. He could also say how he felt but that might make het fuss.

He sighed and stayed quiet.

"I see. Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head.

Madam Pomfrey went away again. Leaving him to his staring at the walls.

...

That evening Harry went to dinner. He had stayed in the room all day. He saw Hermione and Ron whispering to each other. He went over to them and sat down. It took the others a few minutes to notice him sitting next to them.

Suddenly Ron jerked as if surprised.

"Merlin Harry. You startled me."

Hermione looked up with a grin on her face as if she was glad to see him.

"Harry. Where have you been? We went to the infirmary to look for you but madam Pomfrey said you couldn't have any visiters. We were worried."

Harry sighed. Sometimes he felt a little smothered by Hermione. He liked being cared about but he just wasn't used to having people on his case.

"Relax Hermione I just slept really bad and went to sleep in the infirmary. There is a special room there I can go to be alone."

Ron seemed to accept it fast enough but Hermione seemed to have doubts about it. Luckily Ron came to his rescue.

"Let it go Mione."

Hermione started eating again stealing glances at Harry.

Harry didn't feel like talking anymore. The rest of the meal was spent in silence while Harry chewed slowly on his food - making sure his mouth was full so that they wouldn't find a way to question him further.


End file.
